How to Meet Women Online - Try This Right Now

How to Meet Women Online - Try This Right Now
By Megan Zoile

 

Everyone has their own unique opinion about the best ways to seduce women. If you ask a man, he will have a few tricks up his sleeve, but many will not be that effective. If you ask a woman, they may be able to offer you a unique set of advice, but is this advice universal for all women? If you are looking for 5 ways to seduce a woman, you have come to the right place. Every woman is different, though, and you cannot expect that these will work on all of them. Still, arm your flirting and seduction arsenal with these tips and tricks, and expand your tool box as you learn and practice.

1. Talk dirty to her - It has been said that getting a woman thinking about sex is enough to get her thinking about having sex with you. This may not be spot on, but it is still possible to use cues to urge her into bed. You do not necessarily have to be talking explicitly about sex in order to get her in the mood, but if the time is right and your conversation begins to take on some sexual undertones, you should have a very real picture of whether or not she wants to sleep with you fairly easily.

2. Ask gentle questions about her sexual history. Don’t ask her "How many times have you had sex?" But you may feel comfortable enough to ask her if she’s ever done it in daring places, or on a dare, or with someone who’s name she didn’t know. This only really works on women who are open, and if you find your partner withdrawing at the sight of your questions, you need to stop. If she seems responsive, on the other hand, keep probing gently, and get her talking. She can actually lead herself into a flurry of sexual feelings just by recounting some of her wilder experiences, which is the perfect time for you to swoop in.

3. Entice her to bring up her fantasies. Let her tell you what she is into, without directly asking. Probe her fantasies a bit, and get her to tell you what she’d be interested in doing. You can ask what she would do if her favorite movie star walked in, and if she’s willing, she’ll tell you everything she’d do to get him to be with her. Don’t take advantage of her fantasies, but you should still feel open to using them ease her into bed.

4. Show her that you’re in control. We’re not talking about trying to be the alpha male, or trying to be cocky in any way. Still, show her that you are in control by offering to order her meal, opening doors for her; basically just leading the way. Don’t be a jerk, just be assertive and show her that you are concerned about providing her with a good experience. This may not cause her to rip her clothes off and jump you, but it will relax her a great deal more and may help her gain interest in a nightcap.

5. Fascinate her. If she’s bored, or seems disinterested, find some way to fascinate her. No cards, magic tricks, personality tests or surveys, please. Talk to her about your hobbies, ask her about hers. Getting her to open up about her life and personality is a great way not only to learn a lot about her, but also to rekindle her interest in the date.

Want to learn 50 WAYS for approaching, attracting and seducing women? If so, take a look at Scott Patterson’s Free eBook which provides 50 tips for instant dating success.

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Is The Spouse Adulterous? These Infidelity Warning Signs Could Be The Answer

Is The Spouse Adulterous? These Infidelity Warning Signs Could Be The Answer
By William Richardson

The average husband or wife has a great relationship with his or her partner. There are others, however, that do cheat. When unfaithful partners cheat, they show infidelity warning signs almost all the time. It is what the victim of infidelity does that can mean the difference between a rocky marriage and a smooth marriage. Travel consistencies and unknown gifts are just two of the signs the victim must watch out for when he or she suspects a cheater. Explanations of these infidelity warning signs are below.

Travel consistencies

One of the good infidelity warning signs is suspicious travel consistencies. In this scenario, the cheater may be dropping off or being dropped off by another man or woman. The cheater would walk in the house and the victim asks who it was. Naturally, the cheater would say that it was just a friend. However, it has been suspiciously happening on a constant basis and the infidelity victim will begin to look into it more. Another case of a travel consistency would be an extended amount of time away from the home. The cheater may tell the wife that he has been out of town doing other things (aside from cheating of course), but the odometer does not reflect upon that. However, if the victim looks at the odometer and asks the cheater about it, the cheater could always make up lies to get the victim to see it his or her way. If the cheater is consistently traveling without the victim’s knowledge, it could lead to infidelity warning signs.

Unknown gifts

One of the other good infidelity warning signs is an unknown collection of gifts. The cheater may be hiding gifts that he or she bought for someone else or gifts that someone else bought him or her. If the victim finds these gifts, it is logic for him or her to ask the cheater. The cheater could always swerve around it without much difficulty. Furthermore, whenever the victim is not around, the cheater could hide these gifts to another location and deny that he or she knows where they are. Unknown gifts usually point to infidelity warning signs if the victim finds them.

In summary

Any unfaithful man or woman will rarely go traceless in an affair. These two infidelity warning signs are two of the top signs of cheating. It is now up to the victim to actually take action and bring the cheater to justice. It is natural for the victim not to outright accuse the cheater of cheating, but spotting the signs could keep him or her undercover. The infidelity warning signs are almost countless and trained eyes and ears can easily spot them.

For even more infidelity red flags, click here or on the link below.

Infidelity red flags

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Extra Marital Affairs

Extra Marital Affairs
By Louise Hannan

Affairs can be very exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic and stressful. They can also - more very hurting for the other party - be damaging, destructive, cruel, painful. Most of us will fantasize about having an affair, we strive for that extra attention. We want to feel wanted. There are many ebooks on the subject.

We all do a little bit of window shopping. Do we not all wish we could be stranded on a desert island with Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

What about men, they would all cheat on their partners if they knew they could get away with it. We all need a little bit more than we already have. It’s not just the sex, though it’s a llittle bit more. How many would trust to leave your husbands in the playboy mansion overnight ? Would you let them visit Bangkok or Amsterdam alone. Check out the ebooks after reading this article. But what is an affair? Well, what it’s not is a drunken mistake at the office party. It isn’t a one-night stand either. Neither is it a romance between two people who are both free of other entanglements.

An affair is a sexual relationship that lasts more than one night where at least one of the lovers is publicly committed to someone else. Secret rendezvous, private visits, hotels, discretion etc. The reality is all affairs will end up in disaster hurt pain and anger, and more often than not they hurt all the parties involved including children, if there are any.

Some affairs may have a happy ending. the couple - the fact of the matter is , plenty of good second marriages began as illicit romances - but the vast majority of extra-marital liaisons don’t end in a new marriage or relationship. Again many ebooks discuss these topics in further detail . In fact I estimate that at least 80 per cent end up unhappily and cause misery all round. So starting an affair is not a brilliant step to take - and yet people do it all the time.

How can I tell if my partner is having an affair?

The one thing to look for is change and behavior patterns. Everyone having an affair changes in some way or another . A guy might bath or shower more often. He may take up running join the gym to get into better shape . He may start going to the gym more often or get himself a fashionable haircut. He may become more romantic within the marriage, or indeed he may become quite callous or indifferent towards you, and he will almost certainly start ‘working late’ or taking trips abroad on business.check out the ebooks on this subject at ebooksdirect4u.com. These things on their own do not prove your partner is having an affair, but they are good indicators.

Women also change if they are having an affair. They lose weight. They buy more modern clothes and get new hairstyles. They start ‘going for a drink after work’ and have more nights out, supposedly with girlfriends. They may take up an evening class. Check out the ebooks on the subject at ebooksdirect4u.com .They will frequently buy their live-in partner little loving gifts because they are feeling guilty, and sometimes they become extra keen on sex and become more randy and hot in bed than they have for years. The ebooks provide more information in detail. Who can you trust?

Again, these things in themselves don’t mean for certain that they’re being unfaithful, but they certainly show that something different is going on and can alert the spouse to a possible affair. Finally, do remember that affairs tell us something is wrong with the original married or live-in relationship. So, if you discover that your partner is being unfaithful, ( fiind out how in the ebooks) you’ll have a better chance of saving your relationship if you’re prepared to accept that at least some of the reasons for your partner’s infidelity may be attributable to you.

It’s quite common for couples to caught up in affairs which they did not intentionally commit to. You can innocently be friendly with someone of the opposite sex and before you know it on thing leads to another and everything gets out of hand. And low and behold before you know it you are caught up in an affair. Check out the ebooks on this subject.

There are ebooks on how to have an affair and not get caught. Check out the mentioned website.

For more information.

Louise Hannan ouise.hannan@hotmail.co.uk http://www.ebooksdirect4u.com
ebooks

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Signs of A Cheating Spouse - Following Your Intuition

Signs of A Cheating Spouse - Following Your Intuition
By Matt Murren

Do you have a sinking feeling that your spouse might be cheating on you? Do you know what the signs of a cheating spouse are? If not, please read further to identify potential signs that your spouse in fact cheating on you. In this article, we are going to cover ten (10) of the top signs and behaviors that might indicate you have a cheating spouse. Usually the suspicion starts with a gut feeling or intuition then moves on to trying to prove without a doubt that your spouse is cheating on you.

Here are the top ten (10) signs your spouse might be cheating on you:

1) Less Intimacy – Your sex life has been good in the past, but all of the sudden it seems non-existent. There might be little interest in your old date nights or romantic encounters.

2) Secrets – Your spouse appears to be more secretive than usual. This could be anything from phone calls to working later than usual. Take especial notes to your spouse going out with friends you may have never met.

3) Financial Tension – More than ever you find that your finances have become a greater point of contention for your relationship. This might include your spouse scrutinizing your expenses more so than before. Or this could include just all around more arguments and tension related to money.

4) All Dressed Up – You start noticing your spouse is dressing nicer and spending more time than usual on his/her appearance. This might include clothing, fitness, or just looking nicer all around. This might not always be a sign, but you know your spouse and when something just isn’t right.

5) Defensive – When you mention infidelity your spouse immediately get defensive and wants to argue the issue. Watch for changes in reaction, especially if you have been married for some time. You might notice that your spouse never was defensive prior about such questions but now is defensive and guarded related to the subject.

6) Home Alone – You find that your spouse no longer wants to go places with you. Your spouse would rather stay home alone than go to family events or outings. This includes being indifferent about family birthdays, Holidays, and other events.

7) Change of Religion – Your spouse all of the sudden abandons his/her religion. Such behavior is usually a true sign of something going on.

Working Late – You find that your spouse is working later than usual and it seems abnormal. You know your spouse well and also know if all of the sudden working hours seem out of the norm for your spouse.

9) The Web of Lies – The lies continue to mount. You notice that your spouse is lying about little things. This is a typical sign of a cheating spouse.

10) More Danger – Out of the blue your spouse wants more danger and more thrills. While this isn’t always related to cheating, it is one of the top signs.

Use your sixth sense, you will know when your spouse is acting strange and just not themselves. Use the signs above to confirm your gut feelings before you confront your spouse about infidelity.

Matt D Murren owns and operates http://www.cheating-spouse-advisor.com Sign of a Cheating Spouse

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What Should I Do If My Husband Uses Porn?

What Should I Do If My Husband Uses Porn?
By David N Lowry

Depending upon what statistics you believe, at least 4 out of every 10 men have a problem with pornography. Discovering that your husband is using porn can be a very disappointing and discouraging moment for many women. It can be a time where your faith in him is called into question and you wonder if he is still worthy of your trust and respect. In this article you’ll learn answers to some of the most common questions that wives ask about what they should say and do.

Why is he doing this?

In the beginning he probably enjoyed the thrill and excitement that came by seeing forbidden images. Since, most of the time, his viewing of pornography is done in privacy, it becomes easy for him to increase the frequency and the amount of time spent drinking in the images. Before long, the habit develops into a physiological and psychological addiction that is most difficult, if not impossible to break on his own. Those who study the chemistry of the brain compare the chemicals that are released into the body with crack cocaine. Thus, the body becomes dependent upon the stimulus and release. In short, pornography produces an addiction that is as powerful as drugs and alcohol.

On another level, pornography, as with other addictions, serves to medicate and anesthetize unpleasant problems and unresolved issues that are carried within. As these stresses build within the person, they seek release from the pressure they feel.

Is it my fault that my husband is using pornography?

The emphatic answer is NO! You are not responsible for the choice your husband makes by seeking pornography. Many men will blame their wives for their behavior; but, no matter what he may say, each person is responsible for their own actions. No matter what things you may have said or done, he is the one who decides to make a choice to seek out pornography.

Sometimes it is hard to believe or accept that we have little or no control over the things someone close to us does. We would like to believe that our influence can make a difference and we constantly wonder if we could have said or done something to make a difference one way or the other. But the fact is, If your husband is choosing to seek out pornography, he is doing so of his own free will. Once he is hooked, his ability to make wise choices diminishes due to physiological, psychological and emotional factors that are greater than him.

While you must not assume that you are responsible for what your husband does, you should begin to educate yourself so that you do not encourage or enable bad behavior. Thus, you should not minimize the seriousness of what he is doing; and, in no circumstances should you participate in this behavior with him.

Does this mean that I can’t trust my husband?

For many women, there is a huge loss of trust that takes place upon learning that their husband is using pornography. The answer to the question about trust is not an easy one to answer for several reasons. First, good men are tempted to look at things they should not see. It is possible that your husband’s involvement with porn has been minimal-though not likely. Exposure to porn is occurring at early ages and intensifies as he gets older. The question before you is one of degree. You must try and determine the degree of involvement your husband has with pornography. Is it minimal or has become addicted? Has his behavior become compulsive? Do you suspect that Is he acting out in other ways such as affairs, prostitutes, strip clubs and so on? It is necessary to determine his degree of involvement before you can make estimates of your ability to trust him. Sometimes it may be necessary to start carefully observing your husband’s habits to see if you can determine any unhealthy patterns. Here are some other things you might consider.

First, please be careful about verbalizing any lack of trust towards him. Don’t let your anger and frustration get the better of you. If your husband has been a good provider, a good father, and a good partner in every other respect, it is most likely that your husband is caught in a problem where your continued goodwill, help and support can move him to seek the help he needs. Not to minimize a serious problem, but all of us have the potential of becoming caught up in something that is bigger than we are. If you are to help him, it is important that your actions don’t don’t drive him to even more secrecy. Remember, if you make it painful for him to be honest with you, he will probably avoid telling you anything that you need to know that could help him. Instead, your goal should be to become a safe person that he can confide in so that he can begin to get appropriate help.

Having said that, it is important to know that people who have an addiction live in denial about the extent of their problem. This is not because they are necessarily dishonest, it is an ego protective mechanism that keeps them from seeing themselves in an negative light. Thus most men will minimize what they have been doing both in amount and degree of involvement.

A final thing to consider, unless your husband is the one who has come forward to admit the problem, he will, most likely, deny the full extent of his involvement to momentarily delay the consequences of suffering, guilt or shame. Remember, he may not be certain about what your reaction will be if he tells you everything. Or he may incorrectly assume that you will impose drastic consequences. He may worry that you will leave him or that you will break down emotionally. Since he’s uncertain of what your response will be, he may deny his involvement or not tell you the full extent of his problem. Generally speaking, by the time you learn of his involvement, there may well be more to his story than what he is telling you.

Is this something I should be concerned about?

Yes, pornography addiction is a serious problem. It grows worse over time and it will eventually begin to erode the relationship as the person becomes more given over to the addiction. Pornography addiction is just as serious a problem as drinking and drugs or any other addiction. This problem will not just affect him, it will impact everyone in the family at some point or another. In some cases, men stop having sex entirely with their wives. In all men, the mind and decision making process is compromised as men begin to see all women, and men as well, in sexualized ways. Pornography can lead to hypersexualized behavior that in a certain amount of men will lead to illegal actions. In all cases, the consequences extend beyond the person who views the pornography.

Should I just ignore this?

No! Would you ignore a gambling problem? Would you ignore someone with an alcohol and drug abuse problem? If not, then you shouldn’t ignore this addiction either. Sexual compulsions can ruin relationships and bring much heartache and strain to families. If you ignore this problem, you will find yourself resorting to enabling behaviors that will only encourage him to go further into the addiction. This problem will not go away by ignoring it or assuming that this is something that all men do. To be an effective partner in his recovery, it is suggested that you join a 12 step support group to help you understand your part in all of this and what you must do. A good place to start is a 12 step group that seeks to help those with co-dependent behaviors.

My husband says this is nothing. He says that all men look at porn.

There are estimates that indicate that between 40 and 60% of all men, and as many as 35% of all women may have a pornography problem. It is rampant; however, there are still large numbers of men who do not use pornography at all. What is probably true is that every man alive has looked at things he should not have seen. Having said that, there is a difference between looking at something only a few times and the daily habitual, ritual like, use of pornography.

Because pornography is so available in our society, many men have come to believe that it’s "no big deal"; and, they belittle the opinions of those who say otherwise. But in many men, porn develops into a serious problem leading to all kinds of sexual compulsions and addictions. The nature of porn is fantasy based and is all about pleasing one’s self outside of the marriage relationship-which is unhealthy for the long term health of marriages. A porn habit is usually conducted in secret and drives one to seek isolation rather than intimacy. The usage of porn leads men to seek additional and harder forms of sexual stimulation. This leads to a hypersexuality where the sex drive exceeds what many relationships can bear and unrealistic expectations upon sexual partners. Many men, driven by their sexual compulsions cross lines they would never have considered before their addiction. Some of these lines involve immoral behaviors while others include illegal actions. Finally, pornography is a cancer of the mind that causes one to become more isolated, selfish and difficult to deal with.

If there are children in the family, there is always the possibility that they might discover pornographic materials at an age where they are ill prepared to understand to understand what is going on. Children don’t know what to do with this information. The use of pornography is a big deal!

What should I say and do?

Whether your husband comes to you or you discover by accident that your husband is using pornography, by all means confront him in a firm but gentle way. Your demeanor throughout the process should be that of a loving person who insists on getting him the help that he needs. He needs to know that you have discovered his secret. He also needs to know that you love him and accept him but do not expect him to remain entangled in this problem. It is important that he understand that you expect him to stop what he is doing and to seek competent help. It is important that you communicate that he must stop and seek help. Pornography is just as addictive as drugs-even more so when one understands the brain chemistry involved in the release of endorphins throughout the body. A habitual drug user is rarely able to stop their habit by force of their own willpower-it takes help. The same is true of the pornography addict. A person who is caught up in this kind of behavior will rarely be able to stay stopped without competent help that includes accountability and a support group. Any answer he gives you, no matter how sincere and well meaning it is given, that indicates an intention to quit on his own should not be acceptable. To do so will only prolong his struggles and your problems.

My husband says he’s going to stop. Is it that easy?

No, it isn’t. Every addict greatly underestimates the amount of time necessary to overcome the problem. Denial is strong in all forms of addiction. There is the belief that "I can stop anytime I want to." But facts just don’t bear this claim out. Quitting any addiction is difficult and quitting a sexually compulsive habit is even more so. The failure rate, according to some estimates, is about 85%. However, with accountability and a 12 step support group, the success rate can be as high as 80%.

One person I worked with, who was determined to quit his use of internet pornography, was unable to do so for more than 15 years! This person was intelligent, had an advanced graduate degree and possessed tons of discipline. But none of these qualities matters when an addiction is involved. In fact, for some people, these qualities can actually work against them. If your husband is going to have a fighting chance of being free of his sexual compulsions, he must be willing to do the things that others have found successful. This should includes support groups and accountability,.

My husband has suggested that I watch pornographic movies with him.

Typically the idea is presented to the wife that pornography will improve their sex life or increase stimulation for a sexual encounter. Actually, it is more likely that he wants you to participate in his addiction. Pornography is about creating a self-stimulating fantasy. Should you participate in his addictive behaviors, you will be allowing him to use you as a surrogate for the images he is viewing and carrying in his mind. He will not be thinking of you during the sexual encounter-he will be using your body while he imagines having sex with someone else. With the use of pornography, there is a constant need to intensify the stimulation once the stimulus is no longer exciting. Thus, the continual use of pornography in a relationship may also lead to seeking additional sexual stimulation outside of the relationship.

Should I leave my husband?

Only if you find the situation intolerable and he indicates that he is unwilling to seek competent help and work on his problems. His sexual acting out is an indication of deeper personality issues. In many ways, it isn’t the pornography that’s the problem, it’s the issues that cause him to act out and use the pornography. These underlying issues will continue to erode away at your relationship and your esteem unless he is willing to work on them. There are various ways of addressing these problems, including 12 step groups, on-line study groups, personal therapy and support groups.

Where do I go from here?

Facing this problem together can be one of the greatest things you’ve ever done to help your marriage grow. It will help you solve underlying issues that need to be resolved and give you an opportunity to make things better. On the other hand, ignoring a compulsive problem like sexual addiction, or letting it continue unchallenged, will most certainly invite additional problems into your relationship. The hypersexual behaviors that accompany sexual compulsions are not something that will strengthen your relationship-it is something that will strain and tear it down.

David Lowry is a writer for the Purity Project of Oklahoma City. He works with people who struggle with sexual compulsions and writes articles on sexual addiction and recovery. Visit his website at http://www.purityprojectokc.com

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6 Blocks To Communicating Your Sexual Needs and What You Can Do About It

6 Blocks To Communicating Your Sexual Needs and What You Can Do About It
By Leah Schwartz

"What we’ve got here, is a failure to communicate…"

- Captain, Road Prison 36, from the movie Cool Hand Luke

I know sometimes its difficult enough to figure out what you want to say, much less how your partner is going to hear it. And even if you have an idea of what you want to say, you may be hesitant to do so. When it comes to sex, there are many potential blocks to honest communication. Many of these blocks can be due to irrational fears and beliefs. Here are some of the most common ones I have heard.

1. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings.

(However, by not communicating your needs, you are hurting them more, because if they really love you they want to please you.)

2. You are embarrassed to ask for what you want.

(You need to get over that! It’s perfectly okay to ask for what you want; after all, you deserve to have the best sex life possible.)

3. You think your partner should already know what you want.

(In reality, the only way they are going to know is if you teach them. Your body is different from anybody else.)

4. You feel you somehow don’t "deserve" to be pleasured.

(This is probably one of the most common, and yet most irrational, blocks of all. You do deserve pleasure, and so does your partner. And pleasure is about giving and receiving.)

5.You feel that if you ask for what you want, it will somehow ruin the mood.

(Yet the mood will already be ruined if you or your partner are not getting what you want and you don’t ask.)

6. It’s supposed to "just happen."

(Maybe that’s the way it is in the movies, but in real life, the belief that "it’s just supposed to happen" is like thinking a gourmet meal is supposed to happen without preparation or that your going to have an itch on your back at the same time.

As I noted above, these are just some of the most frequent statements I have heard from people. Two ways to overcome these fears and beliefs is to simply let go of your expectations and start expressing yourself. In order for this to happen, the most important element is your willingness to shift your viewpoint to:

1. You deserve the best sex life possible.

2. The person who loves you wants to please you as much as you want to please them.

You want to know what feels best to your partner, and you want to know they feel safe asking for it. They will feel safe with you if you let them know what you want, while communicating to them that you are equally concerned with their wants and needs and they do not have to do anything they do not want to do. A great sex life is about giving and receiving pleasure..

Copyright 2008 Leah Schwartz Ph.D.

All rights reserved. Permission granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this article so long as this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author is attached.

Visit Leah Schwartz, Ph.D. aka The Pleasure Doctor at http://www.venusbutterfly.com and subscribe to her free sensuality newsletter. With over 20 years as a sex and relationship expert Dr. Leah offers products and services dedicated to empowering couples to have better relationships inside and outside the bedroom. Improve your love life in just minutes a day.

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Marriage Help: If You Are Thinking of Getting a Divorce, Think Again!

Marriage Help: If You Are Thinking of Getting a Divorce, Think Again!
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

 

Are you thinking of getting a divorce because:

• Your spouse is physically abusive with you or with your children?
• Your spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict and has no intention of dealing with the addiction?
• Your spouse has a gambling addiction and is causing financial hardship?
• You want to have a baby and you thought your spouse wanted a child too, but now says he or she doesn’t?

These situations may not change or be resolvable. They may be deal-breakers. If you are in these situations, then you need to get some help in deciding what you can accept and what you cannot accept. If you cannot accept these situations, then you need to leave, particularly if there is violence.

Are you thinking of getting a divorce because:

• Your spouse often gets angry, blaming and judgmental with you?
• Your spouse is often withdrawn, resistant and uncommunicative?
• Your spouse won’t discuss things and try to resolve conflict with you?
• There is no passion in the relationship?
• Your spouse is addicted to work, TV, sports, spending, exercise, food, nicotine?
• You feel bored with your spouse?
• You feel you no longer have anything in common?
• Everything is an argument?
• You feel lonely in the relationship?
• You are not getting your needs met?
• Your partner is not turned on to you and rarely wants to have sex, or vise versa?
• You are convinced that your partner no longer cares about you?
• Your partner is having an affair, or you think your partner is having an affair?

These are situations that often can be resolved, because these are generally situations that are the result of a dysfunctional relationship system - the control/resist relationship system.

If you are experiencing any of these situations, the first thing you need to do is get your eyes off your spouse and on to what you are doing. You will stay stuck if you have convinced yourself that the problems are primarily your partner’s fault.

Now, are you ready to be honest with yourself and your participation in the problems in the relationship?

Ask yourself:

• Are you being reactive to your spouse by getting angry, blaming, judging or threatening?
• Are you being reactive to your spouse by resisting or withdrawing in response to your partner’s behavior?
• Are you giving yourself, going along with things rather than speaking up and telling your truth about what you want and don’t want?

If you are doing any of these things, you are trying to control your spouse rather than take responsibility for your feelings. As long as you are trying to control your spouse with these reactions rather than learn to take full 100% responsibility for your own feelings, you will be creating the very problems that are causing you to want to leave your marriage.

Getting a divorce without healing your end of the codependent relationship system is a waste of time. You learn nothing by leaving, and you will continue the same dysfunctional reactive behavior in your next relationship. Even if it is okay to end up alone, you will not have learned how to take responsibility for your own feelings. Without learning this, you will likely be no happier alone than you were in the marriage.

What does it mean to take responsibility for your feelings? It means that when you are feeling badly, you go inside and explore what YOU are telling yourself or doing that is causing you to feel badly. It means that you stop being a victim of your spouse and learn to treat yourself with love and kindness.

If you learn to take responsibility for your own feelings and make yourself joyful and peaceful, there is a good possibility that your marriage will heal.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

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Who Ever Said Being Married Is Easy?

Who Ever Said Being Married Is Easy?
By Scott M Saunders

I would like to start by saying that I love my wife very much, and there is no one else I would rather be with. She is a very patient woman (she has to be to put up with me and our 3 boys). I know it has to be hard on her being surrounded by a household full of males with all of our disgusting habits that we tend to have, and for that she has all of my respect.

Now, I will get to the point of my topic. She is a sophisticated business woman as a supervisor working for a very respectable medical billing company (which I am not naming for obvious reasons). She carries a lot of responsibility with her title and they expect too much from her and she doesn’t get paid half of what she is worth. She is constantly being hollered at (or shall I say to) and being held responsible for things that are happening, not just in her department or her own office but in other departments and offices as well, and for things she has no control over. Sometimes she is left as the middle person in between two power hungry managers within her office and other offices as well. Why is this the way it is for her? Because she is the quiet, patient, understanding person in the company that will take this sort of abuse. Now I know at this point you are thinking to yourself "…I thought this article was supposed to be about how ‘being married is not easy’, yet this guy is going on and on about his wife and her business problems!" Just stay with me, I am getting to the point. I am just building up to it.

So, how do I know so much about all these problems she has at work? Well, I do my best to be a good husband and I consider myself to be an excellent listener. When my wife feels the need to release her "pressure valve", I am the one she turns to. Rather it be calling me up in the middle of the day, or it being the first thing she does as soon as she gets home from work, I always have an ear for listening or a shoulder to cry on.

Eureka, we have finally made it to the point I am trying to make. I have two different businesses that I am trying to keep up with that I do from home, as well as keeping up with the household stuff, getting the kids from school, helping them with their homework, making sure chores get done, and throwing something together for supper. Don’t even get me started on if the kids are out of school for some reason. Now, when my wife has spent an hour complaining about this and that about how her day was (and this is not including her 5 minute rants over the phone throughout the day), I don’t understand why it is that when I have something to say (and I am not talking about complaining, because I know she has heard enough of that throughout her day) that is when I hear "Can we talk about this later? Right now I just want to numb my mind to the non-sense on TV" Okay, she doesn’t say it like that (can you tell I am not a big fan of television?) but you get the idea of what I am trying to say. I just want to share with her some information from my world throughout the day like new clients that I may have gotten, or something strange that might have happened, or so on and so forth.

She does this because she is afraid that, even if I do start by just sharing information with her, it is going to turn into a complaint at some point. So, what is a guy like me to do in a frustrating situation like this? Well, like I said earlier, I consider myself to be an excellent listener. How do I know this, other than being told by everyone that shares their burdens with me? I have a special little mirror that I like to set up and when I have things I want to get off my chest I go to the best listener I know…ME! I know this sounds ridiculous and maybe even a little crazy, but give it a try sometime. I know that just about everyone out there has at least once in your life talked to yourself. Well, you look a lot less crazy if you are doing it in a mirror. At least I don’t think I look crazy doing it. This saves your better half or anyone else you share with to be burdened with your problems on top of theirs and it still gives you a chance to clear the cobwebs of your mind.

If you just can’t get past the feeling of looking ridiculous by talking to yourself in a mirror, it also helps if you have some sort of a rant journal that you keep up with. In a rant journal you are able to pour out all the thoughts you keep inside your head (with as much power and emphasis you feel necessary). This way you are not dumping your problems on other people and you are not hurting anyone’s feelings but you are able to put into words exactly what is bothering you. With this option you have it in writing that "you would like to give someone a swift kick in the pants sometimes" so you have to be more careful of others finding it. That is why I prefer the whole crazy mirror idea. You get it all out without the fear someone will see your thoughts. Of course, if you are not alone or isolated when doing this you have the chance that someone will walk in and hear (or see) you doing this.

Now, you are probably thinking "…why don’t this guy just share this piece of information with his wife?" well, I would if she ever gave me the opportunity to share information with her, but…who ever said being married was easy?

Scott Saunders

http://www.ScottSaundersMusic.com/CoolStuff.html

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Scott_M_Saunders

How to avoid being a comedian while having sex in bed!

How to avoid being a comedian while having sex in bed!

These are very true unless of course you are trying out a new profession called comedy:

The first step is to let go of the idea that sex is a performance. It isn’t! Sex is an experience that you share, like enjoying a meal or listening to a concert together. Also, when you are speaking, you are giving, not receiving. When you are making love, both things are happening at once. If you focus only on giving, you are going to come off as overly controlling.

Second, stop grading yourself. Sometimes the time you spend in bed with your partner will be fantastic, other times just okay. That’s normal. Set the bar low. The idea is to have a satisfying, warm, intimate time with your partner-not to give each other searing orgasms.

Third, try taking turns giving and receiving pleasure. See what happens. Are you more comfortable giving pleasure? That’s fine, but why do you suppose it is hard to lie back and receive it? Could it be that you feel that you must be performing every minute? What do you suppose that might be like for your partner?

Fourth, focus on the journey, not the destination. Stay in the moment. Experience what is unfolding right there with your partner. Notice and savor your partner’s responses. Echo your partner’s responses with your own. Let your partner know how much you are enjoying what is happening. How much better sex is when you’re not worrying!

Fifth, and finally, practice really does help. For many people, making love is a skill. If you are new to it, take your time. Go slow. Explore. It isn’t rocket science, after all. It’s supposed to be fun! Life’s mysterious, don’t take it so serious!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Stephanie_Buehler,_Psy.D.

Why marriage counselling may never work?

Why marriage counselling may never work?

Well at least it never worked for me |-<

For many people when they are considering when to have marriage counseling or not they find it difficult to know whether seeing a marriage counselor will actually work for them. However what should be noted if considering marriage counseling is that the marriage counselor should agree that the single most important factor in determining the success of marriage counseling is that the couple involved are motivated. So it is important that both the people involved in the marriage counseling are utterly committed towards making their marriage work and so the marriage counseling should help them achieve their goals in order to make a success of their marriage.

When undertaking marriage counseling a couple should not see this as a quick fix solution but rather as an ongoing form of treatment. Through marriage counseling a couple will be able to better understand each others particular value system and how it differs from their own.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Keith_Burke

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