How to avoid being a comedian while having sex in bed!

March 25, 2008

These are very true unless of course you are trying out a new profession called comedy:

The first step is to let go of the idea that sex is a performance. It isn’t! Sex is an experience that you share, like enjoying a meal or listening to a concert together. Also, when you are speaking, you are giving, not receiving. When you are making love, both things are happening at once. If you focus only on giving, you are going to come off as overly controlling.

Second, stop grading yourself. Sometimes the time you spend in bed with your partner will be fantastic, other times just okay. That’s normal. Set the bar low. The idea is to have a satisfying, warm, intimate time with your partner-not to give each other searing orgasms.

Third, try taking turns giving and receiving pleasure. See what happens. Are you more comfortable giving pleasure? That’s fine, but why do you suppose it is hard to lie back and receive it? Could it be that you feel that you must be performing every minute? What do you suppose that might be like for your partner?

Fourth, focus on the journey, not the destination. Stay in the moment. Experience what is unfolding right there with your partner. Notice and savor your partner’s responses. Echo your partner’s responses with your own. Let your partner know how much you are enjoying what is happening. How much better sex is when you’re not worrying!

Fifth, and finally, practice really does help. For many people, making love is a skill. If you are new to it, take your time. Go slow. Explore. It isn’t rocket science, after all. It’s supposed to be fun! Life’s mysterious, don’t take it so serious!